Mistakes Were Made

this is javier. i met him at ponytail's one-year anniversary party. i only went because spank rock was playing, and it was time for me to get out of the house. after the binging of last week i needed to do some dancing. booty shakin!

nicky and paris made an appearance, but i'm so over those biznatches.

there were shots at the bar and everything happened so fast. drink, drank, drunk. of course. i ran out da club into the alley across the street, and i just wanted to rest my head for a second.

and there was javier.

i went back to his place in los feliz for some white wine. and you know, i've always been a little bi-curious. so whatever, whatever.

but now he's calllling me. like all day long. and i just don't even want to deal with that scene. you know what i'm sayin?

Can't. Stop. Eating.

i'm on this non-stop binge.

i can't stop eating.

yesterday it was corndogs and beer. and then pink cupcakes from sprinkles.

day before it was crap food from panda express. (but my fortune says, "you will soon be the center of attention.")

today it's pretzels and corn on the cob and just about everything else. i even ate some frozen cookie dough. i'm totally going oprah here.

i tried to call up one of the anorexics, but mary kate is not answering her phone. wtf?

i'm gonna go to whole foods and get some of those colon blow pills.

Get High With a Little Help From ...

it's been the weirdest week. i feel kind of dizzy and dazed.

here's my friend, plonk.



he's kind of a crazy cat who lives in westwood. he's always on bad crank but he makes some crazy good organic beer in his bathroom, so i keep him around sometimes. especially when i want to keep it real. plonk is a guy who keeps my head on straight.

last nite plonk and i went to an art show with milla jovovich. it was just crap made out of broken plates. then the two of them went back to her place together, and i felt more alone than ever before.

they bonded over some broken plate art? give me a break!

then i came home and ate some avocado. it makes my thighs look like hell, but who cares. i haven't exercised in a month and i've been drinking too much and my sleep is all shot to hell unless i pass out and so what? none of it matters.

saturrrday in the park

this morning/afternoon when i woke up i had a shot of wheatgrass and some jamba, but that wasn't doing it for me, so i opened up some bubbly instead.

nothing wrong with a little champsies in the afternoon. it's just like a mimosa at brunch, except i skipped the orange juice bullshit.

but then i still didn't have naything to do, so i invited over nicole to watch flavor of love and drink a bottle of wine for me, a pitcher of diet tonic and ketel one for her.

now i'm all bleary eyed and i haven't even gone to the roxy yet. bleh,. i'm supposed to meet some people there in five hours, and i know i can't get behind the wheel of my porche like this.

why oh why did i get so effing drunk already????

some people might call this a problem. i call it saturday.

screw this noise. i'm going to go buy a nano. that'll make me feel better. and maybe a little drinksy for the road.

Bluesday

sometimes i party too much and i drink too much and i don't know who my real friends are and everything is so fake and i don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore and i feel so lost ...



and so alone ...



so so alone ...



YEAH LIKE YOU'VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY AT 4 AM BEFORE,



keep on hating, haters.



i know what's real.



this pain. that;s real.

21 jump street

aoki and danny and i left the party at adrien's to head over to the viceroy.

we proceeded to wreck some shit, totally old-skool johnny depp-style. we were like, "ha ha ha. thar be pirates!"

you wanna know my favorite pirate joke?

q: how much does a pirate pay for corn?

a: buccaneer.

effing hilarious.

tonite tonite tonite i'm going to see my ol' friend hef at the playboy mansion. good times for this pussy.

Oh me oh my my my

When did they start making whiskey bottles so small?

hell.

headed to adrien grenier's tonight for party and triscuits. and then we're going to prank call piven, because he deserves it. that guy stole some of my hairballs for his toupee. how gross is that?

Rokkkkin photos

here are some pics i took at la la coachellllaaaaa ...

this guy, his name is mike. we put makeup on our faces and drank daquiris and stripped naked to put on some balloon clothes.





got trashed with amy winehouse. that chick is fun, man. she knows how to rock a body. we were making out when danny devito wanted to join in, and i was like, "how did you get into the vip section?"





took some eeee and hung out in the funkyass dome. whee!






and then i ran into drew and cameron. they wanted to put on teddybear heads that they had stolen from this swedish band, so they could walk around without being noticed. i thought it was stupid, especially since it was so effing hot. but i did it anyway. later those teddybears rokkked it.

You Know What Sucks?

Waking up. Thats what sucks.

Thank god I ended up running into pete d. and his babyshambles of a girlfriend. Kate was in the bathroom when these pics were taken.

Better Than The Hills

i skipped the party at the roosevelt last night to hang out with the brats from laguna beach. annoying as hell, but their parents get the better pills, so i put up with it.

oxycontin, baby!

they also like their ritalin, especially with a mojito.

fun fun fun. Ha hah a ha.

Passed out again

not sure what happened last night.

around 9 Paris texted me on my Sidekick.

i was all, "hey slut!"

and she was like, ":bitch please."

she's trying to get her fill of soju-tinis before heading off to the clink. So we rolled up to hyde, but wouldn't you know it? lindsay was in the bathroom again.

one thing led to another, and here i am passed out on some IKEA bullshit chair in studio city. who goes to studio city?

my mouth tastes like dog, and i'm totally out of cigarettes. WTF?