For shame, for shame

let me ask you a question.

is britney spears still hot?

like, all the right parts are there. and i'm sure if you had great researchers investigate, they would determine that she absolutely should be.

and yet ... no.

if you look at her one body part at a time, she's all right. put together? not so good. it's as if some mad scientists fashioned their ideal version of a woman, all "weird science" and shit, but something along the way went horribly awry.

i banged her anyway last night.

i blame the vodka and red bull. plus, she promised me cheetos.

Another pure nite

oh, fuck yeah.

(that pic is me going all, "whoop! whoop!" and dancing my azz off!!)

while you suckas were sitting at home this weekend, i was at Pure in VEGAS BABY! with my girl lindsay, who is totally clean and sober and fresh out of 45 days in rehab.

and by "45 days in rehab" i mean "boob job in malibu." have you seen my angel lately? she is STACKED. she makes me wanna eat some grapefruit.

so anyway, now she has this "alcohol bracelet" around her ankle that is supposed to let the judge know when she drinks anything with alcohol.

silly judge.

in addition to an alcohol bracelet, she would need an ecstacy bracelet. and a blow bracelet. and a meth bracelet. and on occasion, a horse tranquilizer bracelet.

and maybe an anal sex bracelet for good measure.

and really, her ankles aren't big enough for all of those. her bones might crumble into powder, and then she might snort them. that would be so sad.

i've been up for like two days straight. can u tell? vegas is so fucking crazy.

HA! nicole richie is having my baby.

i hope grandpa lionel is prepared to be dancing on the ceiling -- with my love child. cuz my sperm is tight, yo!

the irony is, it happened right after we saw the movie "knocked up." i swear, you get a little blow and some Goobers into that girl, and she is putty in your hands.

she's going to get so fat.